I had done ayahuasca once before, but this one was one of the most challenging experiences I have had. The ceremony was conducted by Hushahu of the Yawanawah tribe who live in acre deep in the forest between Peru and Brazil. The ceremony was over 2 nights . I was one of 4 Muslims there, my friend being one of them.
the ceremony was due to start at 9-10 so everyone bagged their spot, with their mats and buckets for purging. Hushahu protected the space on all 4 sides , to prevent negative spirits (jinn) from entering. the lights were out and candles were set up to provide some light. everyone queued up to receive the medicine (small medium large). I had small. The icaros were sung while we waited for the medicine to kick in. i felt it come on, but it was quite mild, and i said to myself I can handle this, and so i lay down. Thats when it really kicked in. ever atom in my body vibrated to Hushahu icaros. The room became like what i could only describe as the upside down world, and everybody face and head became distorted, taking on animal forms. Time became distorted and i could feel the energy running through everthing.
The way the ceremonies work is that the 1st night does the conditioning and the second night is where it all happens.
again it started of mildish, within a range i felt ok, but it quickly came on strong. I purged for 20 minutes or so, and was to scared to close my eyes, and so i hung on. The sitters could see i was struggling, and took me outside for fresh air. I spent about 2 hours bent over, like the americans you see on Tranq. I became paranoid, saw what looked like shamans floating past me. Had this overwhelming feeling that every thing leading up to the ceremony was rouse, to get me there and take my soul. I was a resigned to coming out of the trip, permanently mentally damaged with schizophrenia . I want point one of the helpers came out with incence, and it helped for a about 10 minutes, then i was bent doubled over again. And i couldn;t pull myself out of it. So i tried the only think i could think of and tried to say my three Quls. But everytime i tried saying them in an inner monologue, the words didn;t come out. I tried and tried, and eventually i completed surahs al-ikhlas al-falaq and an-nas three times. And suddenly the weight lifted. It was a profound moment realising that without the rope of Allah to hold on , you are lost in the darkness, with madness and insanity. I lay down outside and looked at the heavens and asked Allah to promise that the love of God would remain in my heart forever. For over an hour i lay down and staired at the heavens, with the ground vibrations under me. At one point 2 helpers came over to check on me. They looked like seductive witches . Eventually I prayed out of thankfullness and went back inside.
The ceremony was winding down with everyone encouraged to move , to shake off the load. A big congo dance was going on.
For along time after i thought of the punishment of the grave and the three questions. with some interpretations that just saying the correct answers with your tongue would be rejected , as the test is your heart. And i reflected on the promise god made to me in that darkness (a felt sureity) that the love of god will always remain in my heart.
So the experience was never about bliss and joy in the divine. It was showing the darkness without the rope of Allah to hold on to. the only thing I could hold on to.